WY — Former Vice President Dick Cheney, who famously started two wars
in the Middle East and shot a dude in the face while hunting, now says
Donald Trump is the greatest threat America has ever faced.
Trump is an evil reprobate and a big meanie, and a danger to our
Constitutional rights," growled the retired politician who orchestrated
the brutal torture of hundreds of detainees who were held without trial.
"We must make sure he never gets elected to office again. And also,
vote for my daughter, Liz."
consultants applauded Liz Cheney for her brilliant move of tapping on
of the most hated politicians in history to help boost her political
chances. Initial polling indicates her approval has climbed .0000002
percentage points since Dick Cheney's statement.
"If there's a
singular figure universally adored by every hard-working American, it's
Dick Cheney," said a spokesperson for the campaign. "We are grateful for
his endorsement, and look forward to seeing her represent the citizens
Trump was quick to respond to Cheney's statement,
saying "Poor little Dick Cheney! He's so mad that I got elected
president instead of him. Boo hoo! Maybe he should stop shooting dudes
in the face! Sorry, Dick!"
At publishing time, Liz Cheney's approval dipped again after her Dad accidentally shot another dude in the face.