Did you hear about the guy who went shopping for a Barbie doll for his daughter for Christmas?
So he goes in, and he is browsing the different styles and price points on the Barbie's. A salesperson approaches, so he asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $139.95, and all the others are $29.95?"
The salesperson replies, "Divorced Barbie comes complete, with Ken's house, and Ken's car."
FROM AN ATTORNEY OF MY ACQUAINTANCE: "Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all...and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2005, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the Western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.
This wish is limited to the customary and usual good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. "Holiday" is not intended to, nor shall it be considered, limited to the usual Judeo-Christian celebrations or observances, or to such activities of any organized or ad hoc religious community, group, individual or belief (or lack thereof).
Note: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher at any time, for any reason or for no reason at all.
This greeting is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for the wishee her/himself or others, or responsibility for the consequences which may arise from the implementation or non-implementation of same. This greeting is void where prohibited by law. This greeting is delivered as is, where is, without warranties, express or implied, of any and every kind and nature whatsoever."
While being mindful and respectful of the holidays and traditions of others, I wish to extend to all of you here at ThisPipeLife my sincere wishes for a happy and healthy holiday season.
A German woman married an American gentleman born in Virginia and they lived happily ever after in his home town. . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. . The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. .
One day, she went to the butcher counter and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request so, in desperation, she clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs. . Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned Her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. . The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts. . On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. . Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store... . What were you Thinking? . SCROLL DOWN . . . . . . . . . . Her husband speaks English....hellooo! This was on Facebook today....Not to bad.
After many years of medical training and hard work, a good friend of mine has been banned from practicing medicine as a result of a minor indiscretion. He was caught sleeping with one of his patients and is no longer permitted to work in his chosen profession. It's truly unfortunate that he has suffered this terrible setback. Not only is he brilliant, but he always worked tirelessly and is a genuinely great guy. By all accounts, he has been an outstanding veterinarian.
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Who's there?
Control Freak - Now you say, "Control Freak who?"
Did you hear about the guy who went shopping for a Barbie doll for his daughter for Christmas?
So he goes in, and he is browsing the different styles and price points on the Barbie's. A salesperson approaches, so he asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $139.95, and all the others are $29.95?"
The salesperson replies, "Divorced Barbie comes complete, with Ken's house, and Ken's car."
This wish is limited to the customary and usual good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. "Holiday" is not intended to, nor shall it be considered, limited to the usual Judeo-Christian celebrations or observances, or to such activities of any organized or ad hoc religious community, group, individual or belief (or lack thereof).
Note: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher at any time, for any reason or for no reason at all.
This greeting is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for the wishee her/himself or others, or responsibility for the consequences which may arise from the implementation or non-implementation of same. This greeting is void where prohibited by law. This greeting is delivered as is, where is, without warranties, express or implied, of any and every kind and nature whatsoever."
While being mindful and respectful of the holidays and traditions of others, I wish to extend to all of you here at ThisPipeLife my sincere wishes for a happy and healthy holiday season.
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LOL:
I have 10 strips of bacon, you take 5 strips. What do you get?
Right; a black eye and a broken hand.
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The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband.
.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
.
One day, she went to the butcher counter and wanted to buy chicken
legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request so, in desperation,
she clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.
Her butcher got the message and gave her the
chicken legs.
.
Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she
clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned Her blouse to show the butcher her breasts.
.
The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.
.
On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.
.
Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
.
What were you Thinking?
.
SCROLL DOWN
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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Her husband speaks English....hellooo!
This was on Facebook today....Not to bad.
This was kind of funny, glad I do not travel where Bears frequent! LOL
Us Trappers love this one! LOL