I think children’s stories like the tar baby and little black sambo have been excised. How many younger folks know what a tar baby is? And Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima.... quo vadis?
I remember my grandmother reading from a large tome of stories as a child while at my grandfathers cottage in Wisconsin as a child, little black Sambo was a favorite and interestingly enough, it had nothing to do with the fact the main character was black which is what everyone these days believes.
A seriously Orthodox family is unhappy that their rebellious and entitled 28-year-old son still isn’t married, so to move things along they bring in a shadchan, a Jewish matchmaker. As you’d expect, the shadchan asks the young man a number of questions about himself and the kind of partner he might want to meet, and the son responds as you also might expect: She should be attractive, well-educated, spirited, intelligent, with a good sense of humor, and so on.
Three weeks later the shadchan returns and meets with the boy and his family. He tells them about Rifka, who is beautiful, educated, comes from a wonderful family, is eager to have children, and meets all the other requirements that the young man and his parents have mentioned. The parents are already planning the wedding, but their son seems hesitant. “Is something wrong?” says the shadchan. “Well, I meant to ask you,” the son says. “This girl, is she good in bed?” The parents are shocked, but if the shadchan is fazed, he doesn’t show it. “Well,” he replies, “that’s a tough one. Some say yes, some say no.”
Last summer, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
The following is absolutely nothing against Yankees, and I have a ton of Yankee friends, but being a Southerner (yes, capital S), I heard a ton of Yankee jokes growing up, one that always stuck with me, especially living in NC...i.e., on the margin of the north and south and with a huge amount of snowbirds, is:
Yankees are like hemorrhoids, if they come down but go back up, they're okay; if they come down and stay down, they're a pain in the ass!
Again, no offense to my Yankee friends, but this one always cracks me up...especially when I tell it to my Yankee friends!
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy -- just he and his granddaughter.
One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed.
Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather, who was still in bed.
"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.
"Not really, Papa, it was boring. We didn't see a single asshole, queer, piece of shit, horse's ass, tree hugger, socialist left-wing prick, blind bastard, dipshit, camel humper or son of a bitch anywhere we went!We just drove around, and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn't have any fun."
Is there a backward bending 'getting older sucks' curve where getting old is a good thing then sucks after some point? And after what age does getting older suck? To me, it started sucking when my beer gut started showing...age 50 or so...before that, getting old was a good thing, now it sucks.
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Now you tell me. I’m dizzy and can’t see straight🤪
A seriously Orthodox family is unhappy that their rebellious and entitled 28-year-old son still isn’t married, so to move things along they bring in a shadchan, a Jewish matchmaker. As you’d expect, the shadchan asks the young man a number of questions about himself and the kind of partner he might want to meet, and the son responds as you also might expect: She should be attractive, well-educated, spirited, intelligent, with a good sense of humor, and so on.
Three weeks later the shadchan returns and meets with the boy and his family. He tells them about Rifka, who is beautiful, educated, comes from a wonderful family, is eager to have children, and meets all the other requirements that the young man and his parents have mentioned. The parents are already planning the wedding, but their son seems hesitant. “Is something wrong?” says the shadchan. “Well, I meant to ask you,” the son says. “This girl, is she good in bed?” The parents are shocked, but if the shadchan is fazed, he doesn’t show it. “Well,” he replies, “that’s a tough one. Some say yes, some say no.”
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Yankees are like hemorrhoids, if they come down but go back up, they're okay; if they come down and stay down, they're a pain in the ass!
Again, no offense to my Yankee friends, but this one always cracks me up...especially when I tell it to my Yankee friends!
At least they remembered to put the plug in the boat.
Just think how much Viagra that took!
Why Grandfathers are different!
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy -- just he and his granddaughter.
One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed.
Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather, who was still in bed.
"Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.
"Not really, Papa, it was boring. We didn't see a single asshole, queer, piece of shit, horse's ass, tree hugger, socialist left-wing prick, blind bastard, dipshit, camel humper or son of a bitch anywhere we went! We just drove around, and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn't have any fun."
Man, I love night fishing and bonfires.