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Shits & Giggles (Jokes)

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  • I'm tired of waiting for the China Virus Vaccine to get to our area, so I renewed my Norton Subscription and just to be safe I subscribed to McAfee.
  • For fans of the Firesign Theater:

    The Beatles of Comedy, Part 1 [ft. David Ossman and Phil Proctor]

    https://thirtypop.com/episodes/the-beatles-of-comedy-part-1-ft-david-ossman-and-phil-proctor

  • Is he the ultimate pipe smoking hobbyist or does he need an intervention of some type? 
  • I thought I had a lot of pipes, he has them coming out of his ears😬
  • @motie2

    Glad you're back, I missed your entertaining posts!
  • @motie2
    Better yet, wipe your prints off the bolt and then just leave it in the bottom of the car. 
  • Only a Texan would think of this:

    From the South where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story.

    Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in College Station, TX

     After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

    The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. 

    After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

     Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off: it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn, and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

     At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

     The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

     To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

     Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

     "I doubt it", said the proud Southern man.  "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."


  • Montana has a pretty bad reputation for drunk driving.  There was a show a few years ago, “Dumbest Criminals” or something like that...anyway, true story.  A man went to get his driver’s license after having it suspended for DUI (I think it was in Helena, Montana).  He drove to the test center without a valid driver’s license and was completely blotto, something like twice the legal limit😳.  He didn’t get his license back.
  • A sports announcer saw a ditzy blond just out of camera view and decided to put her on TV. 
    After calling her over, he asks her how she liked the Super Bowl. Well, she said, I've never seen a football game before,  but I can't figure out what all the excitement is over 25 cents being fought over and taken back and forth.
    The announcer was puzzled and asked, what do you mean?
    Well, they meet in the middle with the referee and he throws the 25 cents in the air. One team wins the call, gets the coin, and then from then on, the whole game, all you hear is, GET THE QUARTER BACK!
  • @motie2 good golly sir!!! That does say "radium" does it not?!?
  • I don’t really need my nether regions to glow, sag or no sag😳
  • On the on the upside - it makes those nightime trips to the bathroom that much easier!  :D
  • Five times a night.

    Anyone have a higher rate?
  • You have me beat @motie2
    I'm usually 3...
  • Does it count if you are too lazy to GO to the bathroom and just wet the bed?
  • Can you spell, " catheter tube"? 🥴😬
  • Yes, and I can also spell suprapubic catheter
  • @motie2
    That would be funny if I didn't know anyone to fit in that category. But oh, that's right, I know YOU. 
    I bet it was a great day when you were finally able to shake that thing off ( no pun intended... maybe...) 
  • Having first a catheter and then a suprapubic catheter for eight months in 2016-2017 was the worst thing that ever happened to me, including having my chest cracked at Sloan Kettering in 2000 (cancer). That was a walk in the park compared to catheterland. I have a case of diagnosed PTSD from having the regular catheter in and out every couple of days, and then in for weeks. 
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