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Shits & Giggles (Jokes)

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  • motie2motie2 Master
    edited February 2021
    Computer humor:


    You try to plug in a USB connector, and it doesn’t fit.
    So you flip it, and it still doesn’t fit.
    Frustrated, you flip it a third time—and it fits!
    Why is this experience so common with USB?

    USB connections have a sort of “superposition.”
    You must spin a USB device around three times because it has three states:
    up, down, and a third position we do not fully understand.
    Only in this position will the connection be in a correct, pluggable state.


  • Apparently, GOATs smoke Latakia.


  • Latest dispatch from Graphene 17

  • A Gentleman's Guide For Smoking a Tobacco Pipe
  • Did you hear about the rabbit and bear in the woods?  They were both dropping a dookie and the bear looks over at the rabbit and asks him. “Do you have problems with poo sticking to your fur”?  The rabbit replies, “No sir, no problems at all”.  The bear looks over at the rabbit, says “Great!”, then he grabs the rabbit and proceeds to wipe his backside with the rabbit😳😬
  • Maybe it’s just me, but...... why?
  • @motie2 and @RockyMountainBriar.  And at $88?!?!?! Hell I could just squeeze into a pair of my kids pajamas, it would look the same and cost me way less. 😂 They call this fashion??
  • Nope, don’t need one of those😳
  • I need that like I need a hole in my head! Wait...   :/
  • I love those Boudreaux jokes!!

  • OK, here's another......    Only for people not looking to be offended.....

    The Pope and the Rabbi

          About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave Rome.  Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community.  So the Pope made a deal.  He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay.  If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.  

    The Jews realized that they had no choice.  So they picked a middle aged man named Moishe to represent them.  Moishe asked for one addition to the debate.  To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk.  The Pope agreed.  

    The day of the great debate came.  Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.  Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.  Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.  The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.  Moishe pulled out an apple.  The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."  

    An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had happened.  The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity.  He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.  Then I  waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us.  He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.  I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins.  He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.  He had an answer for everything.  What could I do?"  

    Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. "What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here.  I told him that not one of us was leaving.  Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews.  I let him know that we were staying right here."  

    "Yes, yes,.. and then???" asked the crowd.  

    "I don't know," said Moishe,  "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine."

  • Another, my personal favorite......

    He woke up one Sabbath morning in a bad mood. 

    When he came down to breakfast, he told his wife Sarah angrily, "I'm not going to the synagogue today!" 

    "Yes, you are," Sarah replied calmly. 

    "No I'm not. I don't want to go there ever again! The people down there don't like me, they ignore me... they don't appreciate me at all... and I won't go back." 

    "You will go to shul today, and you will continue to go," said Sarah with confidence, "and I'll give you two reasons:. #1, you're 63 years old, and #2 – you're the rabbi!"

  • Keep 'em coming, @motie2, they are very funny :-)
  • OK, howzabout this one......

           A pastor visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. "Mind if I have a few?" he asks.
          "No, not at all!" the woman replied.
          They chat for an hour and as the pastor stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl. "I'm terribly sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really just meant to eat a few."
          "Oh, that's all right," the woman says. "Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them."
  • Retiree Mental Fitness Evaluation (attached as a .pdf)
  • Covid humor?

    This happened yesterday and is important information for our age group (and beyond). A friend had his 2nd dose of the vaccine at the vaccination center after which he began to have blurred vision on the way home. When he got home, he called the vaccination center for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor, or be hospitalized. He was told NOT to go to a doctor or a hospital, but just return to the vaccination center immediately and pick up his glasses
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