I would not go around coughing on people, just like I would not go around peeing on people. That’s just rude. My suggestion to the receiver of the “pipi” is to invest in a better “pipi proof” pair of trousers and leave me alone😬
“Vita Radium Suppositories, for rectal use by men, are tone restorers of sex and energizers for the entire nervous, glandular and circulatory systems. These Suppositories contain a result-producing amount of highly refined soluble RADIUM, carried in a cocoa butter base. The radium is absorbed thru the walls of the lower colon, enters the blood stream and is carried to all parts of the body-to the weakened organs that need its vitalizing aid. After leaving its durable HEALTHY RESULTS, the radium is gradually eliminated in about three days. Vita Radium Suppositories are guaranteed entirely harmless. Recommended for sexually weak men who, however, should use the NU_MAN Tablets in connection for best results. Also, splendid for piles and rectal sores. Try them and see what good results you get!”
On a similar note... (I can't guarantee the authenticity, neither am I sure it hasn't been posted here before, but it is hilarious!) One more thing...THIS WASN'T ME!!!!
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic, I thought I would do the deed on the Missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and, working in the North sea, I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was! I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise, I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.
I didn't have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the Turd Tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip, I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears, I struggled out of the bathroom and across the hall into the kitchen. By this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid off, and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary, as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub, I hadn't managed to give the "starfish" any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open, trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick, as some of the gel had found it's way up the Chutney Channel, and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen, which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen, the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end, pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..."Ooooh that feels good". Understandably, this was a shock to her and she let out a scream. As I hadn't heard her come in, it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11:00 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting, and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up: Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...:)
I remember the Fabulous Furry Freak Bothers! ✌🏻✊🏻🖕🏻 (Disclaimer: The preceding gestures do not reflect the opinions of the author or the management but are the personal expressions of the aforementioned brothers.)
Comments
If anyone is really offended, let me know here, and I’ll delete it.
My suggestion to the receiver of the “pipi” is to invest in a better “pipi proof” pair of trousers and leave me alone😬
Hilarious!
...also, do not throw cigarette butts in the toilet; it makes them soggy and hard to light.
“Vita Radium Suppositories, for rectal use by men, are tone restorers of sex and energizers for the entire nervous, glandular and circulatory systems. These Suppositories contain a result-producing amount of highly refined soluble RADIUM, carried in a cocoa butter base. The radium is absorbed thru the walls of the lower colon, enters the blood stream and is carried to all parts of the body-to the weakened organs that need its vitalizing aid. After leaving its durable HEALTHY RESULTS, the radium is gradually eliminated in about three days. Vita Radium Suppositories are guaranteed entirely harmless. Recommended for sexually weak men who, however, should use the NU_MAN Tablets in connection for best results. Also, splendid for piles and rectal sores. Try them and see what good results you get!”
A. Chappell
5.0 out of 5 stars
A warning from across the pond...
Reviewed in the United States on July 3, 2012
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic, I thought I would do the deed on the Missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and, working in the North sea, I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was! I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise, I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.
I didn't have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the Turd Tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip, I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears, I struggled out of the bathroom and across the hall into the kitchen. By this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid off, and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary, as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub, I hadn't managed to give the "starfish" any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open, trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick, as some of the gel had found it's way up the Chutney Channel, and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen, which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen, the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end, pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..."Ooooh that feels good". Understandably, this was a shock to her and she let out a scream. As I hadn't heard her come in, it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11:00 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting, and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up: Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...:)
Niiiiice.
png did not come across
ZAP Comix #1, CGC 9.4, 1ST PRINT, R Crumb, Charles Plymell, Underground Comic
US $9,850.00
https://www.ebay.com/itm/173000391936
I am not a customer. 😐
(Disclaimer: The preceding gestures do not reflect the opinions of the author or the management but are the personal expressions of the aforementioned brothers.)
With all the controversy over school reopening I thought you might like this.