We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are OUR rules:
Please note… these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
* Subtle hints do not work!
* Strong hints do not work!
* Obvious hints do not work!
* JUST SAY IT!
1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
* Sex,
* Sport,
* Cars,
* or Computers
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.
Wow, just Wow. Is that a dig at my enjoyment of Tsuge pipes? Remember, I’m a little bit “right” and kinda dumb. Help me to understand please. I want to make sure I am processing it correctly. If not please correct my thinking and explain.
@RockyMountainBriar Just a long running comic strip about kaijus smoking pipes. Mentioned Tsuge pipes which we had just mentioned in another folder. That’s all.
When Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana speaks, I listen. While I've often referred to him as "the Will Rogers of Congress," Bruce Carlton called him "The Will Rogers of our time."
This collection of his quips is priceless.
Bruce Carlson:
Southerners have a way with words, some better than others. Start the year with some Truthful Humor: Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy . The Will Rogers of our time.
Kennedy graduated Magna cum Laude from Vanderbilt, has a Law degree from the University of Virginia and a degree from Oxford in England . He is no country bumpkin; he is very insightful & a bit humorous.
Comment about Cuomo lecturing us. "It's like a frog calling you ugly".
--Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
This election in Ga will be the most important in history. You have nothing to worry about unless you are a taxpayer, parent, gun owner, cop, person of faith, or an unborn baby!
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Senator John Kennedy from Louisiana describes Democrats as the “well-intended arugula and tofu crowd.”
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
You can only be young once, but you can always be immature.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Americans are thinking, there are some good members of Congress but we can’t figure out what they are good for. Others are thinking, how did these morons make it through the birth canal.”
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
It’s as dead as four o’clock.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Always follow your heart.....but take your brains with you.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
The short answer is ‘No.’ The long answer is ‘Hell No.’
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
It must suck to be that dumb.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
When the Portland mayor's IQ gets to 75, he oughta sell.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
I keep trying to see Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer's point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Go sell your crazy somewhere else...we are all stocked up here.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
She has a Billy goat brain and a mockingbird mouth!
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Sen. John Kennedy (R., La.) said on Wednesday that he trusted most Middle Eastern countries as much as gas station sushi.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
You can get a goat to climb a tree, but you’d be better off hiring a squirrel.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
1. This has been going on since Moby Dick was a minnow.
2. Don't stand between a dog and a fire hydrant.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Our country was founded by geniuses, but it's being run by idiots.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
It appears that he might do the right thing, but only when closely supervised and cornered like a rat.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Dumb enough to be a twin of himself.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
This is why space aliens won't talk to us.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Democrats are running around like they found a hair in their biscuit.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Chuck Schumer just moo’s and follows Nancy Pelosi into the cow chute.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
What planet did you parachute in from?
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Just because you CAN sing doesn’t mean you should.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
Senator John Kennedy on Nancy Pelosi, “She can strut sitting down!”
Comments
Is that a dig at my enjoyment of Tsuge pipes?
Remember, I’m a little bit “right” and kinda dumb.
Help me to understand please. I want to make sure I am processing it correctly. If not please correct my thinking and explain.
Just a long running comic strip about kaijus smoking pipes. Mentioned Tsuge pipes which we had just mentioned in another folder. That’s all.
Giant Radioactive Lizards Eloquently Discuss Collectible Tobacco Pipes
Yup. Just dumb assed pipe smoking $#!+
Tell your children and all little ones NOT to eat Rice Crispies.
I did when I was a kid, and now all I do is snap, crackle and pop...
.
So no one would steal it.
Not a joke:
Note the comment at the top: