A Harley Biker is sitting on his Harley, drinking a beer, by the Zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.”
The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”
The reporter says, “Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?”
The biker replies "I'm a U.S. Marine, a Republican and I’m voting for Trump."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH”
And THAT pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days! 🤨
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.”
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?”, asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”
The Irishman replies, “Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first”.
Taylor this joke to suit your bias or personal prejudice by changing the last word:
A man walks into an antique store, and starts looking around. All of the sudden he spies a huge BRASS RAT in the corner. He falls in love with it, and so he takes it to the cashier.
"The rat, eh?" says the old grizzly cashier
"Um, yeah ... how much?" replies our friend
"Well, five bucks for the rat--but 200 dollars for the story," he replied.
"I'll just take the rat, without the story." Says the customer.
He leaves the store, his precious brass rat tucked under his arm. Soon he begins to notice that a few rats are following him. He walks a few more blocks and the number of rats behind him increased. This continued, until there were virtually millions of rats behind him.
Afraid of this mass following him, the man ran to the sea and threw the rat in. All of the rats plunged in after it, and met their watery deaths.
The man ran back to the antique store. The old cashier was chuckling to himself. "So now do you want the story?"
"No," said the man, "but have you got any brass lawyers?"
A student doing his homework came to his dad reading the newspaper on the couch and asked; "Dad, I've read about the difference between 'potential' and 'actual', but I don't quite get it. Can you explain it in a way I'll understand it?" The dad thought a minute, then said; "OK son, go and ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford if someone gave her $3,000,000.00. Don't mention me and just remember her answer. Then, go ask your sister if she would sleep with Johnny Depp for $3,000,000.00, same conditions. Come back here and tell me what you've learned." So, the young man goes into the bedroom where mom is reading a magazine and asks; "Hey mom, I'm curious, if someone were to give you $3,000,000.00, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" His mom first looked startled, then a bit embarrassed, then slyly answered; "Well. don't tell your father this, but for $3,000,000.00 and a hunk like Robert Redford, yes I would!" The young man then goes to his sister's bedroom where she is deep into her iPhone and asks; "Hey sis, If someone gave you $3,000,000.00 would you sleep with Johnny Depp?" She immediately replied "OMG, yes! Is he here now?" The youth went back to the living room where his father looked up from his paper and said; "Well son, what did you find out?" The young man, looking curious and slightly troubled answered; "Well dad, I think I get it now. Potentially, we are looking at $6,000,000.00, but actually, we're living with 2 whores!"
Two priests die at the same time and meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, "I'd like to get you guys in now but our computers are down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will you be keeping track of us, St. Peter ?"
"No, I told you the computer is down. There's no way we can keep track of what you are doing. This week's a freebie."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests.
"Will you have trouble locating them?" He asks.
"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rocky Mountains, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."
"Why?" asks the Lord.
"Because he's on a snow tire somewhere in Alaska."
Some of the strongest and hardest to find tobaccos we carry are now back in stock. Gawith & Hoggarth twist tobaccos hail from Northwest England and feature distinctive flavors and processing techniques that haven't changed in centuries. Get it while you can!
@KA9FFJ Funny, I was actually thinking about getting out my G,H&Co. Happy Brown Bogie Twist, Whiskey Twist, Rum Twist, and Coconut Twist and doing just that🙂
Comments
That stories nails it.
A man walks into an antique store, and starts looking around. All of the sudden he spies a huge BRASS RAT in the corner. He falls in love with it, and so he takes it to the cashier.
"The rat, eh?" says the old grizzly cashier
"Um, yeah ... how much?" replies our friend
"Well, five bucks for the rat--but 200 dollars for the story," he replied.
"I'll just take the rat, without the story." Says the customer.
He leaves the store, his precious brass rat tucked under his arm. Soon he begins to notice that a few rats are following him. He walks a few more blocks and the number of rats behind him increased. This continued, until there were virtually millions of rats behind him.
Afraid of this mass following him, the man ran to the sea and threw the rat in. All of the rats plunged in after it, and met their watery deaths.
The man ran back to the antique store. The old cashier was chuckling to himself. "So now do you want the story?"
"No," said the man, "but have you got any brass lawyers?"
You have to admire a man that trains for an event.
That's funny. Sad, But funny.
The last two are hilarious 😂😂 😂
St. Peter says, "I'd like to get you guys in now but our computers are down.
You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?"
Some of the strongest and hardest to find tobaccos we carry are now back in stock. Gawith & Hoggarth twist tobaccos hail from Northwest England and feature distinctive flavors and processing techniques that haven't changed in centuries. Get it while you can!
Looks as if you have even more excuses to use your newly refurbed cutter...😏
Funny, I was actually thinking about getting out my G,H&Co. Happy Brown Bogie Twist, Whiskey Twist, Rum Twist, and Coconut Twist and doing just that🙂
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