Around the dinner table every night we ask our kids "Hi-Lo" and they tell us their favorite high moment and their low moment of the day. It allows them to celebrate the blessings as well as voice their disappointments. (I'm the optimist in the room who can always find a pony in a pile of shit).
Anyhow...an update on some highs/lows.
High: Our house has been on the market over a year and looks like we are in a solid escrow situation. It closes near Thanksgiving which means a busy holiday season.
Low: Recently diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, but I am down 30lbs and working at reversing the disease process.
@mangoandy - You can live with the Type 2 Diabetes if you have a good doctor and you pretty much do what he tells you. I retired from the Coast Guard in 1993 and developed it after a car accident in 1997 and I was no longer able to maintain as active of a life style as I did before the accident. First couple of years with it was up and down as we worked on finding the right combination of diet, exercise and medication. At one point I weighed 253 lbs. and we found that one of the pills caused water retention. We tried several different pill combination and injections and now I do one injection a week, maintain a healthy diet, walk as much as I can and I just dropped below 200 lbs. Along the way I cut out pretty much all soft drinks - regular and diet, I drink black coffee, unsweet tea and water. I probably drink at least a gallon of water a day. I still have an occasional beer or alcoholic drink, but it's more like one or two a week.
Important things to remember - EVERYONE is different. The key is finding what is going to work for you.
A lot of people complain about their job, and I used to be one, but now I would just like to have one. At 54, there are few companies that will even talk to me about a position. There are many sleepless nights worrying about how I am going to pay the bills. But overall, life is good.
I just can't get the luck to change, I have been in the Hospital for Smoke inhalation, I was in my fathers four wheel drive tractor trying to help out and the darn thing had an electrical short and caught fire, the tractor repair estimate is already at $7000.00+ and the haven't finished checking all the damage........I don't know what to do to change my luck so now I am up for suggestions people. I have slight burns in my throat along with irritation from the smoke (Electric wire, rubber, Hydraulic oil, plastic and paint) and will be hurting for a couple weeks according to the Doctor. What is a person supposed to do? How can one person have this much bad luck, I have had nothing but bad luck for the past 8 years, this has to change!
God usually does not burden us with things he knows we cannot handle. I am now involved with a fight for my life, but I refuse to be beaten, or at least I am fighting as I have my entire life.
My motto: "Life is a bitch, then you die". Meanwhile we sometimes need to wear a helmet I suppose.
Better yet: "No one gets out of here alive, and it usually ends badly."
That was the lesson I learned from my years as a clergyman/person. It sounds horrible, and it is horrible.
Of course, I'm emotionally scarred from having been present at the bedside of too many of the dying, often in the last hours. To me they were people, not "The cancer in bed two."
I watched doctors suggesting that a family gather for goodbyes, as the patient was in extremis, probably to pass before sundown.
And then hear the doctor tell the family that he cannot give the agonized patient any more pain relief because, "...it might suppress his breathing...." (Remember: The patient is not expected to live until sundown that day.)
We treat animals kinder than we treat humans. specially here in the People's Republic of New Jersey,
Of course, that's just my opinion; I could be wrong. That and I'm ill and situationally depressed.
Yes, those medical protocals are out of whack for sure. I too have been with people on their last few hours here in hell, and it is both a natural and yet incredible experience. I was very happy to have been able to have a Priest present to perform "annointing of the sick" (last rites- extreme unction as I was taught) for my Mom and Dad, and my Wifes' Mom.
And you are correct sir, we do treat our animals better than our people. My religion tells us we cannot take our own lives without the penalty of hell, which sometimes I think is this 'third rock from the sun". I have seen sick folks hanging on for dear life, knowing they were at deaths' door, and yet suffering and contemplating their final breath. I have seen folks who showed shear happiness in their eyes obviously nlooking forward to the end. I have seen absolute fright at the end. And I have seen a total disconnect, in my Dads' case where he suffered for years with Alzheimers. He fought for years. I visited him one Monday morning at like 0500 on my way to work after having a priest visit him with opur family that weekend. We knew it was very near the end. I kissed him, and I told him it was OK to go now and join my Mom in heaven. He died about 4 hours later.
Death can be both an end and a beginning. For those of us left here after someone close to us dies, it is at first a horrible thing that becomes merely a chapter in our lives as we get along with our time here.
As opposed to those who say the person with the "most toys" at the end wins, I learned a long time ago the toys mean nothing in the beginning, the middle, or at the end.
This was the year my body literally began giving out on me. Everything from Type Two Diabetes and kidney problems, to an unidentified auto immune disease. Thought I got the okay for the auto immune disease now I find an additional test results came in and it's back on the table.
There's a damn good reason we're given Medicare when we reach 65 ... it's because that seems to be the expiration date.
You know when you buy a can of soup or veggies and somewhere on the can it reads "Sell By 9/29/18" or "Use By 7/29/18". We've all found one of those cans hidden away in the back of our cupboard, and in most cases rolled the dice and ate what-ever was inside even though the expiration date had long passed. And since we're hear to talk about it the contents of the can was still viable. It's a recommended date established by the food industry more for liability issues than an actual precise food science. So it doesn't mean the food inside the can automatically turns to poison on the precise date listed. So by my thesis that same assumption can be applied to our body. Somewhere on our body - be it on the surface or etched inside a vital organ is an expiration date. No one has actually found it ... but it's there .. and I'm sure it's 65. But like the can of expired food, it's not a guaranteed termination date - yet the contents in the can are going through a process of breaking down and are no longer as nutritious or tasty. And the longer it goes on beyond that expiration date the closer it gets to going bad. Eventually you have a can of botulism setting in your cupboard.
No real way to gage my thesis since my Dad is 95 and I'm only 68 ... but for some reason the contents of my can seem to be going bad much quicker than the contents in my Dad's can. Although at 95 I wouldn't want to be the one to open that can and eat it.
The old adage "You're not guaranteed you next breath" becomes an even greater reality when you hit that magic age of 65.
Don't mean to be a Killjoy but the reality is with each passing day we're getting closer to death. So the best thing to do is enjoy each waking moment. And make them count. Don't sweat the small stuff. Make time for yourself and by all means enjoy a good smoke. Bad shit is going to happen, it's inevitable - but take this time to focus on the good stuff happening around you in the here and now.
Meanwhile, because of an AARO Medicare Advantage paperwork cockup, we have no health insurance beyond straight Medicare until October, and no drug coverage until Jan. 1.
And I'm still ill.
And today was the 49th Wedding Anniversary for me and SWMBO. Best thing I ever did......
OMG......what next? Get on the phone and refuse to give up until you get results regarding insurance and Rx's....get pro bono attorney if needed, there are "public attorneys" who might be able to help you.
If I had ANY money I would help all you guys out at this site. It sure is great getting older isn't it.
Meanwhile congrats on your 49 years with SWMBO.......that is wonderful. We have 44 coming up in October. And a favor to ask.....please say a payer for me.
We pray for all those who are ill and suffering. We bring the name of our friend @pwkarch and the nature of his illness to mind, and we send toward him our prayers for healing. And we pray that the healing power of God is directed to all those who are suffering; that God grant them strength and healing of mind, body and spirit.
And for those who are in the last days or hours of life, may God grant them an easy passage from this world to the next, a release from pain, a time of lucidity, acceptance, and insight, and hope and faith and trust in the embrace of God in the coming world.
Well life could definitely be better but I'm not going to complain, I am still vertical and that's what is important. Had a heart attack in 2015 and had open heart surgery. Cost me my career as a deputy for my county. Doctors say I have to quit smoking but I just can't. My pipes are my passion!
Hey Guys......Misery LOVES company, how about a pipe group "on line hug". No one said this life was going to be a cake walk. I am having periods of sadness as a side effect of chemo, but I get through it. I once served under a well respected leader who told us "life is a bitch, wear a helmet" (among other things). Boy was he correct. My act of returning to sanity and a center bubble is to look around and see what other folks are experiencing and I usually sense an overwhelming feeing of compassion for them, I experience a feeling of gratitude for my own situation. Sort of : "There but for the grace of God go I". It has been mostly a pleasant and blessed 71 years so far, and I look forward to the next 71 years (what?).
@Scampi I'm sorry to hear about the end of your career. Where were you a deputy at? I've been a municipal police officer for 7 years now. @pwkarch you're in my prayers buddy.
For those of you who don't know I'm a Staff Sergeant with a municipal police department. I've been doing it 7 years now. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful to have a job. But I'm not sure how much longer I'm gonna be able to stand doing it. It's hard to describe, other than I'm just deep down exhausted... Not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. I know some may say 7 years isn't that long but trust me when I say it feels like much longer than that. I've aged drastically in those 7 years. My body has taken a beating, blew my knee out in a foot chase and fight with a 15 yr old armed drug dealer, blew my shoulder out when a guy high on PCP threw me through a wall (he almost choked me to death in that fight), I've been shot at, and almost run over by vehicles on multiple occasions. Every time it rains my body aches and reminds me of all those encounters. My mental beating comes from all the suicides I've seen, the bodies of kids from various scenes, having to take abused kids out of homes, the not knowing if I will make it home in one piece or if I'll make it home at all, and many other things I won't get in to. But believe me when I say there are some nights I relive the things I've seen and sleep won't come.
Not to mention the pay and politics of it all. I'm having to work a ton of overtime just to keep a roof over our heads. And the politics we just aren't supported anymore.
I've started having anxiety attacks when I get home from most of my shifts when I'm taking all of my gear off. I had one last night and as I was hugging the porcelain throne trying not to lose what little I had eaten, I started wondering if it was worth all of these things.
I have my first baby on the way and I've started considering a career change but I have no idea what I would do. All I know is policing. Never wanted to do anything else... Until now...
Sorry for the long "whiney" post. Just kind of had to get it off my chest.
@Michael308 I know a little of what you are experiencing. Both my Daughter and Son in Law are LEO in Atlantic City, which is a complete cesspool. We also have 2 nephews (both Chiefs) in somewhat local towns.
I also know the cost to your life and family as a LEO. The "bennies" are good, the retirement decent, but the cost can be great. I could not do what you guys do. I would be a total screwup because I could not take the disrespect that you guys take on a daily basis. I would end up snapping and getting myself in real trouble. I was recruited by the State Police when I got out of the military, and I knew better then.
So my hat is off to all all you guys and girls who perform this job. I highly respect anyone who can maintain their cool while being harrased, spit upon, and cursed. I just could not do it.
You have a decision to make, mostly concerning your wife and soon little child. I am always amazed at the psychological impact that job implies, and the number of marital and parental issues result.
Pray for some guidance, talk to someone (other than a "retention officer". Good luck my friend.
@Michael308 My nephew is a member of the police force here in Indiana and when he started he was really gung ho about the job. Took every opportunity to move up by training out of State for anti-terrorist training, bomb disposal, and has now found himself working with the Coroner. And seeing all the death and destruction human being can inflict upon on another and themselves has taken a toll on him as well. Couple that with the way most local and State government officials no longer seem to have the back of the police force - siding with the criminal element in most cases - that has to be truly demoralizing. Watching people throw water and bottles at police 'willy nilly' on TV burns my ass ... so I can imagine how the police must feel. A normal person being accosted by hooligans would turn around and jack their jaw ... but as a police officer you know every cell phone camera is there to capture your reaction and the media, Mayors, and city officials will do everything in their power to smear your reputation and crucify you. It's a thankless job and you deserve nothing but my deepest respect for what you do.
@Michael308 While my personal experience was not with law enforcement, I have experienced a similar type of stress in doing a job, that almost killed me. I walked away from my six figure job (with my wife's approval) and never looked back.
I would also note that in my case, it took over three years for my body to recover from the effects.
What I learned from that experience, is that, "You Can't Put A Price On Happyness" and to quote Shakespeare "To Thy Own Self Be True".
I can't advise you of course, but I would think that with 7 years of experience under your belt, you should have some options.
I would also like to say thank you sir for your service and note that those who vilify law enforcement personnel should have this nation's collective foot shoved up their .......
I remember reading some ages ago, that there are a few professions where retirees seldom last much more than 2 years beyond retirement (at least back when the article was written) because they can't take the sudden lack of incredible levels of stress, or something.
Don't know if any of that was true even then, but I've heard enough anecdotal tales of people going through just that to make me wonder.
Back when I was in the army common wisdom held that retiring veterans would either go on forever or they would be dead in less than six months. Since the honor guard was doing the funerals I suspect the figures were pretty accurate.
Woke up this morning without my oldest brother-in-law. A cigarette smoker for over 60 years, he passed peacefully last night. If you can spare the time please say a prayer for Douglas Owen Thornhill, Jr. he was 78 and also a prayer for his wife, my sister, Martha and their 3 daughters and five grand-children.
There is no satisfactory answer to loss. Nothing, not even time, will cause the pain to completely disappear. But loss is transformative if it is met with faith. Faith grants us the opportunity to make sense of our loss, to cope with the rock that rolls around in the pit of our stomachs when someone we loved, someone we thought would always be with us, is suddenly gone from us forever.
Comments
Heart problems keep me happy to wake up.
Biggest down was my son finding heroin.
Biggest up is his beating it.
Best things, Wife, Kids, Dogs, and a small house surrounded by woods.
I have slight burns in my throat along with irritation from the smoke (Electric wire, rubber, Hydraulic oil, plastic and paint) and will be hurting for a couple weeks according to the Doctor.
What is a person supposed to do? How can one person have this much bad luck, I have had nothing but bad luck for the past 8 years, this has to change!
My motto: "Life is a bitch, then you die". Meanwhile we sometimes need to wear a helmet I suppose.
That was the lesson I learned from my years as a clergyman/person. It sounds horrible, and it is horrible.
Of course, I'm emotionally scarred from having been present at the bedside of too many of the dying, often in the last hours. To me they were people, not "The cancer in bed two."
I watched doctors suggesting that a family gather for goodbyes, as the patient was in extremis, probably to pass before sundown.
And then hear the doctor tell the family that he cannot give the agonized patient any more pain relief because, "...it might suppress his breathing...."
(Remember: The patient is not expected to live until sundown that day.)
We treat animals kinder than we treat humans. specially here in the People's Republic of New Jersey,
Of course, that's just my opinion; I could be wrong. That and I'm ill and situationally depressed.
Yes, those medical protocals are out of whack for sure. I too have been with people on their last few hours here in hell, and it is both a natural and yet incredible experience. I was very happy to have been able to have a Priest present to perform "annointing of the sick" (last rites- extreme unction as I was taught) for my Mom and Dad, and my Wifes' Mom.
And you are correct sir, we do treat our animals better than our people. My religion tells us we cannot take our own lives without the penalty of hell, which sometimes I think is this 'third rock from the sun". I have seen sick folks hanging on for dear life, knowing they were at deaths' door, and yet suffering and contemplating their final breath. I have seen folks who showed shear happiness in their eyes obviously nlooking forward to the end. I have seen absolute fright at the end. And I have seen a total disconnect, in my Dads' case where he suffered for years with Alzheimers. He fought for years. I visited him one Monday morning at like 0500 on my way to work after having a priest visit him with opur family that weekend. We knew it was very near the end. I kissed him, and I told him it was OK to go now and join my Mom in heaven. He died about 4 hours later.
Death can be both an end and a beginning. For those of us left here after someone close to us dies, it is at first a horrible thing that becomes merely a chapter in our lives as we get along with our time here.
As opposed to those who say the person with the "most toys" at the end wins, I learned a long time ago the toys mean nothing in the beginning, the middle, or at the end.
This was the year my body literally began giving out on me. Everything from Type Two Diabetes and kidney problems, to an unidentified auto immune disease. Thought I got the okay for the auto immune disease now I find an additional test results came in and it's back on the table.
There's a damn good reason we're given Medicare when we reach 65 ... it's because that seems to be the expiration date.
You know when you buy a can of soup or veggies and somewhere on the can it reads "Sell By 9/29/18" or "Use By 7/29/18". We've all found one of those cans hidden away in the back of our cupboard, and in most cases rolled the dice and ate what-ever was inside even though the expiration date had long passed. And since we're hear to talk about it the contents of the can was still viable. It's a recommended date established by the food industry more for liability issues than an actual precise food science. So it doesn't mean the food inside the can automatically turns to poison on the precise date listed. So by my thesis that same assumption can be applied to our body. Somewhere on our body - be it on the surface or etched inside a vital organ is an expiration date. No one has actually found it ... but it's there .. and I'm sure it's 65. But like the can of expired food, it's not a guaranteed termination date - yet the contents in the can are going through a process of breaking down and are no longer as nutritious or tasty. And the longer it goes on beyond that expiration date the closer it gets to going bad. Eventually you have a can of botulism setting in your cupboard.
No real way to gage my thesis since my Dad is 95 and I'm only 68 ... but for some reason the contents of my can seem to be going bad much quicker than the contents in my Dad's can. Although at 95 I wouldn't want to be the one to open that can and eat it.
The old adage "You're not guaranteed you next breath" becomes an even greater reality when you hit that magic age of 65.
Don't mean to be a Killjoy but the reality is with each passing day we're getting closer to death. So the best thing to do is enjoy each waking moment. And make them count. Don't sweat the small stuff. Make time for yourself and by all means enjoy a good smoke. Bad shit is going to happen, it's inevitable - but take this time to focus on the good stuff happening around you in the here and now.
And I'm still ill.
And today was the 49th Wedding Anniversary for me and SWMBO. Best thing I ever did......
OMG......what next? Get on the phone and refuse to give up until you get results regarding insurance and Rx's....get pro bono attorney if needed, there are "public attorneys" who might be able to help you.
If I had ANY money I would help all you guys out at this site. It sure is great getting older isn't it.
Meanwhile congrats on your 49 years with SWMBO.......that is wonderful. We have 44 coming up in October. And a favor to ask.....please say a payer for me.
Amen
Spent the whole afternoon off loading the pint.
@pwkarch you're in my prayers buddy.
Not to mention the pay and politics of it all. I'm having to work a ton of overtime just to keep a roof over our heads. And the politics we just aren't supported anymore.
I've started having anxiety attacks when I get home from most of my shifts when I'm taking all of my gear off. I had one last night and as I was hugging the porcelain throne trying not to lose what little I had eaten, I started wondering if it was worth all of these things.
I have my first baby on the way and I've started considering a career change but I have no idea what I would do. All I know is policing. Never wanted to do anything else... Until now...
Sorry for the long "whiney" post. Just kind of had to get it off my chest.
I know a little of what you are experiencing. Both my Daughter and Son in Law are LEO in Atlantic City, which is a complete cesspool. We also have 2 nephews (both Chiefs) in somewhat local towns.
I also know the cost to your life and family as a LEO. The "bennies" are good, the retirement decent, but the cost can be great. I could not do what you guys do. I would be a total screwup because I could not take the disrespect that you guys take on a daily basis. I would end up snapping and getting myself in real trouble. I was recruited by the State Police when I got out of the military, and I knew better then.
So my hat is off to all all you guys and girls who perform this job. I highly respect anyone who can maintain their cool while being harrased, spit upon, and cursed. I just could not do it.
You have a decision to make, mostly concerning your wife and soon little child. I am always amazed at the psychological impact that job implies, and the number of marital and parental issues result.
Pray for some guidance, talk to someone (other than a "retention officer". Good luck my friend.