The Thoughts I Have as a Future Parent
Deadpool57
Apprentice
in General
My wife and I, recently, found out that we will be having a child (Hopefully in August). I figured most of you, young men and women, have also been in the same position as I am. So I decided to write my thoughts down to share with all of you.
My first thoughts:
- Holy F#@$& my wife is pregnant!
- I am a little worried if it's a girl. Not because of how in love
I would be with the idea of having a girl but because I'll probably be going to prison due to the first boy that talks to her or hurts her 
.
- I feel like that I am about to remember every nursery rhyme for the rest of my life....
- I also feel like I am about to have the noisy house on the block due to all the noisy toys that are about to be in my house.
- How can you raise them right? With cell phones, media outlets, and overall opinion being thrown down our throats everyday; is there ever a way to raise anyone right? Maybe my family should switch to being amish.
- Diaper bags. (The one thing I knew I wanted) I will be getting a Tactical Dad diaper bag and baby carrier because of practicality and I am a man.
- What shift to work? If your wife works Days (0700-1500 hours) and you have a chance to go Swings shift (1500-2300 hours), do you switch? I think having a baby sitter for 2 hours is better than 8 hours.
- How do you not rely on your parents (Future Grandpa & Grandma)? I am very lucky to have my parents but is there ever to much reliance on a parent? The whole help me but don't help me thing.
- What kind of music will I play in the household? Sam & Dave, The Temptations, Etc. Maybe even the Eagles, Chicago, Etc.
- Where will I smoke? I'm probably going to make a shed or screened in porch. I need somewhere to sit out of the weather!
- Will I have a child that was like me? Wild, full of energy, dangerous, never sleep, daredevil. I might be doomed.
- Why in the hell is someone, who doesn't have kids, giving me advice about having them? WTF
- How many friends will I lose? Being 30 is the weird time where you have friends that drink everyday and some that don't. Also, if they stop talking to us, were they ever real friends at all?
Sacrifices I've already made:
- Sold the motorcycle.
- I smoke/ drink less.
- I can't explain the types of bizarre food I've gotten for my wife. (Taquitos with Sour Skittles..... That's all I'm saying)
- The money situation is handled as I am only going to one pipe show this year (Saint Louis Pipe Show) and I finally paid off my Student debt. (By the way: this is the first topic that was brought to us by our friends.)
- Cleaning of the house/ outside has turned into my second full time job.
- My wife controls all of Netflix...
Needless to say, I am pumped about this child! Don't get me wrong, I am scared of what the future, of this world, holds for my child but I will support whatever my child wants to be or become.
What are your thoughts? Were these your first thoughts when having a child as well? Let me know some of the first thoughts that ran through your heads.
My first thoughts:
- Holy F#@$& my wife is pregnant!
- I am a little worried if it's a girl. Not because of how in love
I would be with the idea of having a girl but because I'll probably be going to prison due to the first boy that talks to her or hurts her .- I feel like that I am about to remember every nursery rhyme for the rest of my life....
- I also feel like I am about to have the noisy house on the block due to all the noisy toys that are about to be in my house.
- How can you raise them right? With cell phones, media outlets, and overall opinion being thrown down our throats everyday; is there ever a way to raise anyone right? Maybe my family should switch to being amish.
- Diaper bags. (The one thing I knew I wanted) I will be getting a Tactical Dad diaper bag and baby carrier because of practicality and I am a man.
- What shift to work? If your wife works Days (0700-1500 hours) and you have a chance to go Swings shift (1500-2300 hours), do you switch? I think having a baby sitter for 2 hours is better than 8 hours.
- How do you not rely on your parents (Future Grandpa & Grandma)? I am very lucky to have my parents but is there ever to much reliance on a parent? The whole help me but don't help me thing.
- What kind of music will I play in the household? Sam & Dave, The Temptations, Etc. Maybe even the Eagles, Chicago, Etc.
- Where will I smoke? I'm probably going to make a shed or screened in porch. I need somewhere to sit out of the weather!
- Will I have a child that was like me? Wild, full of energy, dangerous, never sleep, daredevil. I might be doomed.
- Why in the hell is someone, who doesn't have kids, giving me advice about having them? WTF
- How many friends will I lose? Being 30 is the weird time where you have friends that drink everyday and some that don't. Also, if they stop talking to us, were they ever real friends at all?
Sacrifices I've already made:
- Sold the motorcycle.
- I smoke/ drink less.
- I can't explain the types of bizarre food I've gotten for my wife. (Taquitos with Sour Skittles..... That's all I'm saying)
- The money situation is handled as I am only going to one pipe show this year (Saint Louis Pipe Show) and I finally paid off my Student debt. (By the way: this is the first topic that was brought to us by our friends.)
- Cleaning of the house/ outside has turned into my second full time job.
- My wife controls all of Netflix...
Needless to say, I am pumped about this child! Don't get me wrong, I am scared of what the future, of this world, holds for my child but I will support whatever my child wants to be or become.
What are your thoughts? Were these your first thoughts when having a child as well? Let me know some of the first thoughts that ran through your heads.
Comments
By the way, all the above being said, some people do develop allergies to cigarette smoke. So don't take any chances...
In my 14 years of experience as a parent, this is what I've learned:
- All the books on parenting are nice as a resource, but they're not canon. Generally speaking, there's no right or wrong way to parent your child (clearly criminal negligence is the "wrong way", but you get my drift).
- You'll soon discover that they aren't "sacrifices." They're just things you do for your family, and they're almost always done willingly because it's the right thing to do.
- Don't spoil your kids. Leave that to the grandparents.
- When they complain about fairness, remind them Life isn't fair.
- Be friends with your kids, but don't ever be afraid to remind them who the parent is.
I'm sure the list is endless......I wanted to be a teacher when I was in high school. We have one daughter who is a 3rd grade teacher.
I wanted to be a football coach. One son is a volunteer coach at the local high school. They went to the playoffs this year.
I became a photojournalist. The oldest daughter has a degree in photography
I like to cook. Our oldest son is an executive chef. He currently works as one of the executive chefs at East Tennessee State. Before that he was an executive chef at LSU.
Both of our sons are pipe smokers.
Being a parent is a matter of common sense not rocket science. you will learn a lot as you go. give you child lot of love caring and listening. I see you have a lot of thoughts racing though your head. it's all great. I will say this you on on your way in becoming a great dad.
have patience patience and more patience. There are a LOT of changes that go on when you wife has the child. make sure you listen and help your wife as much as possible.
have both of you be open about how you are feeling if one of you are tired let your wife rest and takes turns in that regard
for the next 2 1/2 if not a little longer it will be about your child. you both are going to be paying attention to the child a lot. make sure you both take a step back and spend some quality time with each other. there lot times people make this mistake and before they know it there arguing because there has been no communicating.
If the first thing you do it has to be get your self a Cannon digital DSLR camera I shop at https://www.bhphotovideo.com/ its a GREAT place you could pick a combo up for about $400-$500 you got to have something to catch all those Precious moments. As time goes on just before they start walking by a camcorder as well come in handy :-) then you can get a external hard drive and export all the photo and picture their by date and category Christmas birthday Easter etc....
as your children go from babies to toddlers then children it's a remarkable transformation you see that they do things as you did when you were younger. it's in all our DNA.
be there to guide them and teach them read to your child even when there young. there like sponges they will suck it right up :-)
at times it becomes very hard when your tired from a LONG day and a child don't listen it pay attention what ever you do don't yell instead re direct your self to tell them to go to there room or punish by taking something away from them.
another help hint I always found use full and never had a problem with my children is you have to make sure that leash is on them (not a physical one) so this way they don't roam to far and yet if they get outta hand a little tug and bam they learned. basically I'm saying not to let them run wild and do as they please then when you want them to do something they won't do it it will be hard to get them to.
PLAY PLAY PLAY always find the time to play with your children don't be so busy you miss out. they have to learn to be independent as well. daddy's and mommy's need there our personal time to them self this is where them being independent comes in. :-)
the only one whom are going to teach your children well is you and your wife no one else. they will have there own personality's as they get older but your teaching will always be with them
no one has ever taught us how to be parents parenting is a matter of trail and error. you will grow in your own way when it comes to bringing them up. as a family you will grow
if you question your self a lot and think your not being the best of parent it's because your are being the very best parent you can be!
if there are any question you make have please feel free to ask if I can help I would be more then happy to
good luck my friend god bless all of you
:
Congratulations !!
Being a father, Its the third most important thing to me, First is my relationship with God, second is being a Husband to my wife. Its something I hope and pray that I get right, I continually remind myself that just because I mess up one thing doesn't mean I messed up being a father. Your a Human (at least I presume you are) you'll do the wrong thing, sometimes it seems like all you can do turns out to be wrong. But just strive to be the best father you can be for your family and you'll work it out.
The questions you just asked that tells me, your going to be fine. Those are all questions that any caring father would start to ask and regardless of what advice or how many suggestions people may offer, How your child is raised depends on the choices you and your wife make. As you pointed out People without kids will tell you how you should do things. People with kids will tell you how to do things. Its your family, you(meaning you and your wife) choose what's best for you. I've had people without kids tell me, you should really do this and then years later when they had their own kids they didn't want to do that same thing that they told me I should have done. People will always offer input but take it for what it is, someone else's opinion and you decide what's good for your family.
I've got 2 daughters and a son, pertaining to the girls and their inevitable suitors. I've have prayed since the day they were born that God would form them the perfect mate for each one of them. And then stocked up on GUNS and AMMO. My son I try to show him threw my example of how a man should treat their spouse and live their life.
The best quote for fatherhood I can share was "Dad's date your daughters and give your sons adventures."
Dating your daughter/s, you show them how a suitor should treat them, I personally take my daughters individually on dates to the movies or to get ice cream or a burger and show them my undivided attention on the dates and basically be the date I would want them to have when they are of the age to begin dating.
Give my son adventures, I am lucky enough to live in the country and have about 33 acres between me and my dads neighboring property, every so often I will take my son and just go walk around the fence lines. We pack a backpack with water and some jerky or whatever snacks we have, I'll put one of my knives on his belt and we'll take our 22 or my .410 and just go walking through the brush showing him the tracks of whatever animal that we find and showing him the different plants in the area, teach him how to handle and safely use the firearm and the knife also teach him the ethics about only harvesting an animal for food or protection of ourselves or our livestock.
Being a parent is an great undertaking and will give you great joy and exhaust you at times. But as it has been said Any fool can father a child, but it takes a real man to be a father.
You'll do great and don't be afraid to ask for help. Just remember to love them and cherish the time you have with them, my oldest is only 10 but I try to remind myself to relax and enjoy as much of it as I can even when they are the ones causing me to stress, because time goes by so fast I don't want to have any regrets when it comes to the time I spent with my children.
Sorry if I'm being long winded but I could talk for hours about being a father.
When our kids hit 1st grade I quit all smoking due to the abhorrent knee jerk reactions of other parents to smoking would have meant my kids couldn't have their friends over. My Daughter went into shock when she first saw me light up the pipe.
Ditto @Woodsman As a matter of fact, I still don't smoke around the family, especially my grandchildren. The reason has already been eloquently explained by @PappyJoe (no science involved, just family peace of mind).
As far as @Deadpool57 It has already been mentioned but still warrants repeating. Sleep will become a precious commodity. When a choice presents itself between lighting up a bowl or getting a cat-nap, well... you'll see. Still, congratulations because, in spite of all the downers, being a father has great rewards that will last your whole life...
My wife and I don't have any children yet, but we're working to get there over the next few years. All of our friends are now or will be parents soon, so we know time is catching up with us. I have no idea what I'll do when that day comes, but you have some good thoughts about it already.
The child is going to follow your example - they learn from you. That's something to keep in mind.
I was blessed with three daughters. They have brought me a lot of joy. Just roll with it. If you raise them to be confident young women, you won't have any problems.
Enjoy them.
Both of my kids voted last year.
Recently, my mother told me that she once dropped me on my head. "Well that explains a lot!" Kids are very durable, as long as they know you love them.
A very wise Person, the wisest in fact, said, "Be fruitful and multiply." Replenish the earth.
As a father of four (2 boys, 2 daughters, ages 2-9-10-14) I have few tips:
1. You can't possibly be "ready" to be a parent
2. So rely on God
3. Pray for wisdom, and pray for your wife and child everyday
4. Tell them and show them you love them everyday
AMEN!!!
The one thing I would be careful about is threatening her choice of significant others, should they be boys especially. Raise her to respect herself and have tools to defend herself and recognize toxic boys and men and she will do just fine. She needs to know that you support her as she develops into an adult who will have crushes, and loves, and heartbreaks, and she has to go through all that.
You will give stuff up, lose sleep, clean up various bodily fluids, but all that won't matter too much because of your love for her. Though it is tiring at times. And I'm really glad I don't have to change diapers anymore.
You will also be able to do just about anything you want to do, just maybe not as often or in the same ways.
I played classic punk music in the house because I like that music. So does she. We do get the gift of having first dibs on influencing our children's musical tastes. But to my delight, she likes lots of other kinds of music as well.
I recommend reading "The Female Brain" by Louann Brizendine. It will help you understand her physiology and brain chemistry as her body grows and develops. Don't be too freaked out by the chapter on "The Teenage Girl Brain." My daughter did not do very much of what the author says is typical for teenage girls. Each person is unique after all. But the advice to simply be a stable parent while her hormones jerk her hither and thither is very good.
Above all it is fascinating to watch a human who shares your genes and who (up until about age 13) is surrounded by your values, likes, fears, and hopes, develop into someone unique.
It gets a lot worse (with intermittent moments of pride and joy) before it gets a lot better, but there is the proverbial "light at the (other end) of the tunnel."
Be strong, and of good courage.
SWMBO and I raised two sons: the eldest was Ritchie from "Happy Days," and the younger was an interesting blend of Caligula and the curse my own father put on me: "Someday, you'll have a son and he'll do to you what you've done to me." The eldest was good at everything from the beginning, and the younger brother's first word was no, and his second word was -- metaphorically speaking -- "Hell, no." Professionals advised that 1) he had "oppositional tendencies," and 2) that he had an unusually high IQ. He was bored with everything. Except for whatever he was interested in, which did not include school. After an hour with him, the local patron saint of pediatric psychiatry told us, "He walked in, sat down and politely handled me." We later found out that he handled his teachers, too. How does one graduate from a three year high school without writing any papers? None. Zero. Zip. He got C's in every subject for three straight years, working out with his teachers what it would take to get a C. I still don't understand it. Then, in his first job he earned a Grammy for music production. It's in our living room.... a little bronze (?) victrola with an engraved plaque. Then, he became a DJ, and now he installs "smart homes." The eldest worked for Major League Baseball, took two years off to follow Phish, and when his money ran out, he went back to MLB at a higher salary. He's now married. The younger considers women to be "tension relieving devices." The eldest dresses office casual for his generation. The younger wears baggy jeans and a T-shirt. They're 38 and 40.
PK's. Go figure.
ain't it funny how genes work? my son does things all the time that I haven't done since I was a kid but he does it amazes me.
You are all the reason why I stay on TPL! Thank you!
@PappyJoe, @xDutchx, @motie2, @Pipefreak2383, @Hawkeyeted, @mfresa, @buflosab, @Darmon, @Woodsman, @KA9FFJ, @thebadgerpiper, @daveinlax, @judandhispipe, @Charles, @Winton, @SLCarrico, @mseddon, @Swmaples
This is what friends and life is all about. we all come together in time of need whether it be advice and support. just know in time of trouble I probably can speak for all when I say "we" are all here for you. take care my friend god bless your family. enjoy each milestone :-)
Amen to that!!
Oh and you will neve stop worrying about them ever!!!!! Sorry to tell you.
But enjoy every minute, because before you know it they will be grown!!!!!!