Best Quote

PipeProfessor

There have been many great quotes about pipe smoking over the years. What are some of the best ones you've heard...or authored? 

PipeProfessor

I don’t want any of your statistics; I took your whole batch and lit my pipe with it.

I hate your kind of people. You are always ciphering out how much a man’s health is injured, and how much his intellect is impaired, and how many pitiful dollars and cents he wastes in the course of ninety-two years’ indulgence in the fatal practice of smoking; and in the equally fatal practice of drinking coffee; and in playing billiards occasionally; and in taking a glass of wine at dinner, etc. etc. And you are always figuring out how many women have been burned to death because of the dangerous fashion of wearing expansive hoops, etc. etc. You never see more than one side of the question.

You are blind to the fact that most old men in America smoke and drink coffee, although, according to your theory, they ought to have died young; and that hearty old Englishmen drink wine and survive it, and portly old Dutchmen both drink and smoke freely, and yet grow older and fatter all the time. And you never try to find out how much solid comfort, relaxation, and enjoyment a man derives from smoking in the course of a lifetime (which is worth ten times the money he would save by letting it alone), nor the appalling aggregate of happiness lost in a lifetime by your kind of people from not smoking. Of course you can save money by denying yourself all those little vicious enjoyments for fifty years; but then what can you do with it? What use can you put it to? Money can’t save your infinitesimal soul. All the use that money can be put to is to purchase comfort and enjoyment in this life; therefore, as you are an enemy to comfort and enjoyment where is the use of accumulating cash?

It won’t do for you to say that you can use it to better purpose in furnishing a good table, and in charities, and in supporting tract societies, because you know yourself that you people who have no petty vices are never known to give away a cent, and that you stint yourselves so in the matter of food that you are always feeble and hungry. And you never dare to laugh in the daytime for fear some poor wretch, seeing you in a good humor, will try to borrow a dollar of you; and in church you are always down on your knees, with your ears buried in the cushion, when the contribution-box comes around; and you never give the revenue officers a full statement of your income.

Now you know all these things yourself, don’t you? Very well, then, what is the use of your stringing out your miserable lives to a lean and withered old age? What is the use of your saving money that is so utterly worthless to you? In a word, why don’t you go off somewhere and die, and not be always trying to seduce people into becoming as ornery and unlovable as you are yourselves, by your villainous “moral statistics”?

Now, I don’t approve of dissipation, and I don’t indulge in it either; but I haven’t a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices. And so I don’t want to hear from you any more. I think you are the very same man who read me a long lecture last week about the degrading vice of smoking cigars, and then came back, in my absence, with your reprehensible fire-proof gloves on, and carried off my beautiful parlor stove. - Mark Twain

thewanderingdude

“The fact is, Squire, the moment a man takes to a pipe, he becomes a philosopher. It’s the poor man’s friend; it calms the mind, soothes the temper, and makes a man patient under difficulties. It has made more good men, good husbands, kind masters, indulgent fathers, than any other blessed thing on this universal earth.”

-”Sam Slick, The Clockmaker”

thesubcon

We then turned over the book together, and I endeavored to explain to
him the purpose of the printing, and the meaning of the few pictures
that were in it. Thus I soon engaged his interest; and from that we went
to jabbering the best we could about the various outer sights to be
seen in this famous town. Soon I proposed a social smoke; and,
producing his pouch and tomahawk, he quietly offered me a puff. And
then  we sat exchanging puffs from that wild pipe of his, and keeping it
regularly passing between us. If there yet lurked any ice of
indifference towards me in the Pagan’s breast, this pleasant, genial
smoke we had, soon thawed  it out,  and  left us  cronies. He seemed to
take to me quite as naturally and unbiddenly as I to him; and when
our smoke was over, he pressed his forehead against mine, clasped me
round  the waist, and said that henceforth we were married; meaning, in
his country’s phrase, that we were bosom friends; he would gladly die
for me, if need should be. In a countryman, this sudden flame of
friendship would have seemed far too premature, a thing to be much 
distrusted; but in  this  simple savage those old rules would not apply.
After supper, and another social chat and smoke, we went to our room
together. He made me a present of his embalmed head; took out his
enormous tobacco wallet, and groping under the tobacco, drew out some
thirty dollars in silver; then spreading them on the table, and
mechanically dividing them into two equal  portions, pushed one of them
towards me, and said  it was mine. I was going to remonstrate; but he
silenced me by pouring them into my trowsers’ pockets.
Moby Dick

pipeman83

" I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective judgement in all human affairs."

Albert Einstein

Corey562

Smoke, Smoke,Smoke. Only a pipe distinguishes man from beast.                              

 Honore Daumier

PipeProfessor

Love it @corey562. I never read that one before.

PipeProfessor

I love this one: 

PipeProfessor

Crap, it didn't post...lets try this again: “Pipe: a primary masculine symbol with authoritarian overtones but also indicative of reliability and contentment.”

-The Dictionary of Visual Language, 1980

PipeProfessor

This is pretty good too: 

PipeProfessor

ughhhh Now I am having problems!... “I hated tobacco. I could have almost lent my support to any institution that had for its object the putting of tobacco smokers to death…I now feel that smoking in moderation is a comfortable and laudable practice, and is productive of good. There is no more harm in a pipe than in a cup of tea. You may poison yourself by drinking too much green tea, and kill yourself by eating too many beefsteaks. For my part, I consider that tobacco, in moderation, is a sweetener and equalizer of the temper.”

-Thomas Henry Huxley

Corey562

A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.

C.S. Lewis

pipeman83

Those are great.

PappyJoe

“A pipe is to the troubled soul what caresses of a mother are for her suffering child.”
-Indian Proverb

PappyJoe

“…So it shall be for all time. If discord has broken out between two beings, let them smoke together. United by this bond, they will live in peace and friendship thereafter.”
Attributed to the Great Manitu, the Great Spirit.

drac2485

@pappyjoe I am totally stealing this as it reminds me of me.  This is my favorite of all the quotes “A pipe is to the troubled soul what caresses of a mother are for her suffering child.”
-Indian Proverb

Darmon

Bad men want their women to be like cigarettes - slender and trim, all in a row to be selected at will, set aflame, and when the flame has subsided, discarded, only to select another.

The fastidious man wants his woman to be like a cigar - they are more expensive, they make a better appearance, and they last longer. After all, if the brand is good, they are seldom discarded, but used to the end.

The good man wants his woman to be like his pipe - something he becomes attached to, knocks gently but lovingly, takes care of always.

A man will give you a cigarette, offer you a cigar, but he never shares his pipe.
–Mark Twain. 

drac2485

@darmon that's deep.  I need to remember that to tell the next girlfriend 

thebadgerpiper

Smoke your pipe and be silent; there's only wind and smoke in the world. ~Irish Proverb

Darmon

When love grows cool, thy fire still warms me,
When friends are fled, thy presence charms me;
If thou art full, though purse be bare,
I smoke, and cast away all care!

German Folk Song.

dstrib

“I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective judgement in all human affairs.”
-Albert Einstein, 1950

pipeman83

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